Many women admit that they consider intelligence to be one of the sexiest traits in a man. But in the opposite direction, this statement doesn’t always work. Why is that? Let’s find out together why men are afraid of smart women with a psychologist.
A smart woman is a worrying signal to a huge number of men, in their minds. The two concepts – ‘intelligence’ and ‘woman’ – are strongly opposed.
“Danger!” – Such a man’s mind cries out when such a woman confronts him and begins to play a defensive game: an active attack or a deaf defense. What are men afraid of? How they react to the combination of intelligence and sexuality in a woman? And what kind of men should look for a really smart lady? Our expert psychologist and psychotherapist talk about this.
Mind, women, bed
The stereotype filled public opinion strongly believes that the combination of intelligence and sexuality is the privilege of men. Testosterone is the right to dominate specifically in the positions: intelligence and bed. These two basic categories of masculinity are closely linked, and by ” infringing” on one (intelligence), a woman unintentionally compromises the other – sexuality. The result is that an intelligent woman is perceived as a potential offender. Someone who invades another man’s territory and undermines the very foundations of masculinity.
In fact, neither intelligence nor sexuality has anything to do with gender – they are purely matters of a person’s maturity, regardless of gender. And if a man’s personality lacks something, a woman’s mind will simply manifest it ( catalyze). Insecurity, low self-esteem, dependence on others’ opinions, and immaturity – all this will be exposed and hurt the man himself, forcing him to either retreat into self-deprecation or start competing with a woman.
What kind of damage do men fear most from an intelligent woman?
It can hurt with rejection, pity, and superiority
It happens when, men traumatized by previous relationships, are afraid of being hurt again and are looking for easy, no-strings-attached connections. And this is not the right place. A smart woman, usually knows what she wants from life and a relationship, and immediately “reads” the man, simply does not let him into her space. Rejects him, contributing to his already well-developed sense of being unwanted and insecure.
Sometimes a woman masks rejection in such a way that a man is convinced that he himself has given up the possibility of intimacy. But deep down, he understands that the woman just felt sorry for him. And pity is not the most powerful aphrodisiac.
There are times when a man is rejected simply because he doesn’t meet a woman’s needs. And it’s just a knockout, a powerful blow to self-esteem and self-worth. Patching up such a hole in self-esteem is not easy: you will have to prove to yourself and to her that you are successful and worthy. Not everyone can do it. And if a man is not ready for such a competition, he will rather refuse to communicate.
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She always wants more
Sex for an intelligent woman is usually a stage in the development of a relationship between two personalities, not a finished story where momentary physiological release rules. If “bed rest” is not her goal, she will demand “satisfaction” in the form of a deeper, more responsible relationship. And not everyone is ready for that. The fear of being held accountable is one of the most serious for many men.
She needs to fit in, grow, develop
Being consistently interesting to an intelligent woman is not easy work. It requires effort, self-improvement, development. Few people have the resources for such accomplishments. And all the time “standing on tiptoe”, trying to reach the level of an intelligent partner, too, is not the point: it tires you out, stresses you out, and drives you into stress. So many men would rather look for a “suit” to match their shoulder rather than grow up to it – certainly chic, beautiful, and elegant, but just not their size.
It will crush you intellectually and make you feel stupid
Not everyone can seem silly and ridiculous without compromising their self-esteem. Some will start proving themselves to be better – to compete. Someone will run away into self-defeat. Here it is important to realize in time that you are not confronted with a woman smart, but clever. Simply because a truly intelligent woman will not wave her intelligence around like a banner of victory, she will not demonstrate superiority and diminish someone else’s dignity by flaunting her achievements. She will not intentionally hurt.
What is intelligence?
Intelligence is not about gender, education, or erudition. It is a personal maturity, a resource that allows a person to think sensibly, interpret reality critically, evaluate himself and his actions adequately and independently, be able to communicate with other people, and maintain a balance between all spheres of his life. And in this sense, intelligence is the most attractive and sexy trait of both women and men. For their respective partners.
The fact is that the smart ones are interesting with the smart ones. And this interest will be many times stronger than purely physiological attraction, which is a quality of a higher energetic order that sharpens the perception of all spheres of human relations, including sexuality. When it is interesting not only in bed but also in conversation, in shared hobbies, in arguments and discussions, that is the relationship.
Always finding the right partner who understands a personal space, is a key to a successful relationship. A certain level of bond and trust is only accomplished when two like-minded people date each other. Whether it’s a man or a woman rules stay the same. People who gender discriminate usually never successfully land in a relationship or are not able to manage their relationship in long run.
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