Even before the emergence of Tinder, i was successful with women for the better part of a decade. it all started at a young age, when i decided to read about seduction psychology and finally began to understand what women truly look for in a man. i cannot call myself a “pick-up Artist” since i have never practiced seduction professionally, but i have read dozen of books from the masters in the field. i credit them for most of the talent i have developed and for the many adventures i have enjoyed with beautiful intelligent women.
For a living, I am a serial entrepreneur working alternatingly between europe and Canada. After selling my last venture, i embarked on a world tour that lasted a full year. At the same time, i separated from my girlfriend and proceeded to polishing my seduction skills and getting back into meeting women. A new app called Tinder was quickly recommended to me.
Astonishingly, i had a lot of trouble meeting the women i wanted on Tinder. my approach was simply not adapted for this form of interaction. i grew determined to upgrade my seductive skills and convince my ideal matches to go on a date with me. by the end of my travel year, i finally had it down to a science. in fact, i was meeting more quality women than at any other point in my life.my success with the app amazed my friends and they began to ask me for lines and advice.
This made me see first hand how small changes could dramatically improve their experience on Tinder, no matter how good looking or charming they happen to be. These friends slowly convinced me that there was real value in laying out my entire process in writing.i see Tinder – and dating in general – as a sales process. most guys fail to get the women they deserve because they do not know how to convey the best of themselves. This guide will make you an expert in self-promotion. your challenge will then be to live up to the expectations of all the new women eager to meet you!
Tinder’s perception: the sex App
Many describe Tinder as an app serving strictly to have a one-night stand or to find a partner for a casual no-strings-attached relationship. This reputation is mostly unfounded and overall misleading, here is why.I’m sorry to say, but the girls on Tinder are no hornier than the girls at the bar. depending, which bar you go to, the converse may be true. however, you have a higher chance of getting laid because you have a far greater selection, this is the law of large numbers.
The more you try, the higher the probability that you will get what you expect.so a lot of guys are already getting laid more thanks to Tinder, does that mean the girls are easier? Initially, the girls who you finally convince to meet you will have a stronger adventurous side than the average (see rick premium later in this section).
So yes, you will find easy ones, but they are the outliers and you would still have had an easier time seducing them in the bar. often, they fall below your standards, but hey, you charmed her from the comfort of your couch. hopefully, no one will see you two together!understand that sleeping with the normal girls – the ones you truly want – is going to be harder than if you’d had the luck of running into her alone at the bar. Think about it, you need to convince a girl who has never seen you that she needs to spend some time with you, preferably one-on-one, as opposed to go on with life as usual or meet one of the other million guys on the app.
The good news is that the law of large numbers ensures that you will succeed far more than at the bar, and there are techniques to multiply your odds.once you succeed in meeting a girl from Tinder, casual sex is actually more likely than regular dates. This is because the girl is usually well removed from your social circle and will not have to answer for the crazy things she decides to do with you. Also, since this is the first time you meet, she is not expecting anything, leaving room for the magic of spontaneity that is so crucial in guaranteeing sex on the first night.
Your Online Persona: The Sweetheart Principle
Now that we understand the playing field, let us get into the specifics of the tactics involved. The sweetheart principle is the approach that will maximize your chances with the largest number of girls. it underlies most recommendations in this book and actually goes against many principles put forth in traditional pickup literature
Traditional Attractive Phase
Let us look at a traditional pickup in a bar. If you have read books like The Game or Mystery Method, you already understand the underlying dynamics. If you are a natural or utterly clueless, the scenario I am about to describe should still make sense and will later serve to contrast what goes on in the Tindersphere.
Here is the scene:
I am standing at the bar with a friend; we are talking about something extremely interesting. Suddenly, his
head motion serves to tell me that a very attractive girl has arrived to order. I turn my upper body to address
the girl and her friend “Excuse me girls, just quickly, can you help my friend and I settle a debate… who lies more, girls or guys?”
The hot girl gives me a blank look; she has clearly been hit on dozens of times that night. Yet her friend chimes in with an answer. I retort: “Interesting you would say that! You must be the clever one!” Turn to the hot one. “And you must be the one with attitude” and then give her a cheeky smile.
She proceeds to say that men lie more. Since she gives me nothing more to go on, I begin to banter with her friend about how the hot girl must have had a traumatic experience with a Frenchman who offered to take her to live in Paris, but then turned out to be Swiss and own a farm instead.
When the hot girl says half laughing that this is not true, I turn to her and give her a hug and utter: “Sure it isn’t, but don’t worry, not all men are Swiss.” What has happened here?
Game connoisseurs will spot this as the attraction phase of a pickup. i created attraction by taking the hot girl off her high horse. for the rest of the night, i would differentiate myself from the other needy men by staying slightly cocky, thereby keeping her on her toes and demonstrating that i am also a prize to be won. i would also radiate confidence so that the woman’s subconscious can begin to picture me as being good in bed.
TINDER IS NOT YET REAL LIFE
This dynamic on Tinder is completely different. To begin with, successful implementation of the above example comes down more to the body language and tone of delivery than the actual words. On Tinder, you are stuck using messages with a girl that has absolutely minimal insight into your character.
Next, you are not competing with needy guys buying drinks or repeatedly trying to approach her. You are competing with apparent douchebags, creeps and the sexually depraved. Furthermore, guys who are generally shy around women grant themselves every right to exude confidence over Tinder, thus quickly falling into one of the aforementioned categories. The messages I have read on girls’ phones are simply unbelievable and prove that the overwhelming number of male matches clearly have no shame!
The danger with conventional gaming tactics is that during the initial stages, you risk being grouped with the other weirdoes if you try to be cocky or confident. Besides, a girl with so many options at the swipe of a finger will not give you the benefit of the doubt and you’ll be left wondering why she suddenly went cold.
DIFFERENTIATE YOURSELF BY BEING THE ABSOLUTE BIGGEST SWEETHEART
I am talking about Ryan Gosling in The Notebook. The guy who can do no wrong and was brought up to do anything for a woman. Someone who respects them so much that he is shy by nature and would never dare to approach a girl in a bar or do anything player-like for that matter. This is the guy that all women dream about, but would never actually be attracted to in reality.
The Sweetheart Principle will enable you to pleasantly surprise a woman. Thanks to Tinder, she has found the perfect sweetheart that she otherwise would never have noticed! Also, this guy is so non-threatening that she could picture herself being completely comfortable meeting up with him, even after telling herself she was only using Tinder for fun and not to actually go on dates. When she does meet you, she will not worry about you expecting only sex, since you have shown interest in other aspect of her life.
This is a powerful narrative. Although not the only one, the Sweetheart approach will yield the highest success because it appeals to a broad base of normal girls. In the later chapter, you will see many examples of how to put this frame into practice at every step until the meet-up. Don’t forget, once you finally do meet her, Ryan Gosling needs to turn into James Bond if you want to avoid a wedding and, instead, guide her seamlessly into your bed.
Remember: There is no foolproof formula to bed any girl on Tinder. There is only an attitude and some applied principles that will maximize the output for the time you invest. Focus on adapting your mentality and you will see drastic improvements.
Two Core Challenges: Risk Premium & Your Perceived Value
If you are a seasoned Tinder user, you might be beginning to wonder why the average quality of women you get is below your expectations. The hottest girls in your résumé were probably met through friends, in the workplace, or in another form of community. So why are Tinder girls not measuring up to this level of quality?
At work, a woman faces very little risk interacting with you because you carry “Social Proof”, a common context that proves that you are not dangerous in any way. Furthermore, if you are successful in this context, you will easily be able to spark attraction.
ON TINDER, YOU CARRY A RISK PREMIUM
Women will subconsciously discount your value because meeting a stranger requires an extra effort to overcome discomfort and a risk of disaster (a date going terribly tends to happen more often than not – guys just don’t know what they are doing). These two variables make up your Risk Premium and the higher it is, the more difficult it will be to meet the girls you want.
The starting Risk Premium is beyond your control: some girls are simply more trusting or more adventurous than others. Some are also busier or less keen to improve their love lives. The girls with innately higher risk premiums will require more work to bring the discount down to a point where they are ready to meet. Temperature Theory, explained later, will help you gage how much more work you need to put in.
OPTIMIZE YOUR PERCEIVED VALUE
On Tinder, men have a lot of difficulty displaying how great they really are. As a result, they see themselves as being far better than their profiles allow women to understand. Naturally, they can never score with women they deem worthy.
Your Perceived Value is a continuous project and is the ultimate deciding factor for the quality of women you will meet. It will vary from one to the other; for instance, some women admire travel and some do not. Yet there are ways to make your average Perceived Value go up to levels that would even exceed your own expectations. This is the foundation for all the of the subsequent seduction techniques implemented on Tinder. The higher it is, the easier everything will follow.
Create The Irresistible Profile
Who Should You Be?
You should aim to be the most interesting man in the world. Even more interesting than the Dos Equis guy! Think about how a magazine would frame you if it were doing a special report on how great you are. Done properly, your profile can spectacularly inflate your Perceived Value and overcome the Risk Premium of girls you used to consider out of your league. It will take a while to get the right photos, but we will see the absolute dos and don’ts to set you on the right track!
DO YOU NEED TO BE HANDSOME?
Tinder is as superficial as it gets. Looks matter tremendously, but hold on, this does not mean you need to be handsome to harvest a ton of matches. It just means that you need to learn how to sell yourself properly.
In this respect, women are light-years ahead of men. I have lost count of the number of times my jaw dropped when I discovered what a woman actually looked like versus her Tinder profile (make sure to check her Facebook to avoid awkward meet-ups, this is explained later). Although I don’t advocate hiding any flaws, as women often do, you must learn how to cast them in the best possible light!
METHODS FOR DEALING WITH SPECIFIC FLAWS
You are out of shape: Do not post a photo of you shirtless lying on a couch surrounded by skinny people. This will amplify the attribute and raise more objections than necessary. Also, do not hide this by only posting face shots! This will eventually make the woman feel tricked once she gets a proper look at you.
Instead, post photos of you, on your own, rocking some well-adjusted clothes doing something sporty or stylish. This way, the flaw is immediately outweighed by other qualities in the same photo. Also, if you are alone, you are not contrasted to people in better shape. Do not post a photo of you with friends in even worse shape. This will sink your social value.
You are short: The girl will have no way of holding this against you so long as you do not post photos with much taller people. The worse would be to post a photo of you with a taller girl – this will immediately trigger a left swipe. I have a couple of very short friends, including Dr. Stinson, and this has not hindered their incredible success on Tinder. Occasionally, you will meet a taller girl, but this can be dealt with reasonably well in person.
You are bald: If you are seriously balding, shave your head and rock that style. If you are starting to bald and it is noticeable, do not hide it by wearing a hat in every photo! Angle the photos so that it is not too noticeable. Also, post a few that date back to a time when you sported a full set of hair. At 35 years old, my good friend The Marv is an expert in this art.
You have bad skin: This is very easy to smooth over using modern photo optimizing tools like Instagram (more on this to follow). Again, the trick to avoid a “betrayal” reaction from the woman is not to hide your flaw, but to minimize it and cast it in the best light. Sporting a nice tan in your photos can make you look a full point more appealing.
You have below average looks: Use Instagram to take cool photos. Show that you have a really interesting life and access to luxury. Do not show photos with handsomer guy friends. However, photos with attractive female friends (showing interest in you) are proven to make you look 1 to 2 points more attractive (more on this in the Secondary Pictures section).
Remember: Optimize your flaws. Do not hide them completely. Imagine you decide to meet a girl you perceived as curvy. In reality, she turns out to be curvier than you thought. You will be slightly disappointed, but odds are that you will still enjoy yourself. This is even truer for women because they are not as superficial as men. Once they know you, they will even learn to like you for your flaws.
However, imagine you thought a girl was in good shape and she turns out to be that same very curvy girl. You will feel completely fooled and you will never forgive her for it.
AVOID THE DOUCHEBAG TRAP
Finally, you need to stay away from anything that could make you look like a douchebag! Almost every guy will get this wrong and it will sink your perceived value. Let us look over some of the common mistakes:
NO SELFIES: There, I said it and I’m going to say it again later on to make sure you remember. We all get turned on when girls take selfies in their skimpy new dress, but this is not a two way street. Only the lower quality girls will give you props for talking a shirtless selfie after the gym. The vast majority will see you for what you are: a douchebag. Selfies at the beach, selfies at the ski resort, before a gala… no, no and no!
If you are a cool guy, you have friends who can take a nice photo for you. The only selfie that can be tolerated is using a GoPro and an extendible arm because no real life photographer could hit some of those angles. Otherwise, delete every selfie you ever took!
NO “COOL SERIOUS FACE”: I’m sorry, but unless you are starring in a professional modeling shoot, you have no reason to pretend to be serious. Even if you were caught at a serious moment, it has no place on your Tinder profile. The “Duck Face” is especially painful. When someone is taking a photo of you, you smile, and it is as simple as that.
NO POSING WITH SOMETHING YOU DO NOT OWN: You see a sports car or a nice boat and you quickly go take a photo with it. Congratulations, but you need to keep it for your own fantasizing. Dr. Stinson came up with a clever twist to avoid douchebaggery: someone took a slick Instagram photo of him from the passenger seat of the Porsche he was driving. You can only tell it is a Porsche because of the logo on the steering wheel. Girls love this because he is not posing; he is simply having fun driving a Porsche!
The Profile Picture
Your profile picture is the single most Important element of your profile. Most women will only see this when deciding which way to swipe. They will not read your status and not look at your other photos until they have matched with you. Most will not even look at your age!
Coming Up With A Description
The important thing to remember about your description on Tinder is that it matters very little. You have 500 characters to write a nice description of yourself. Do not fall in this trap: more does not mean better. You want to write exactly one full sentence and that’s it.
You will look like you are trying much too hard if your description appears to have required any real thought. Tinder is meant to be a low-effort, simple app. Your photos need to do all the talking. They were presumably not taken explicitly for Tinder and therefore will not look too try-hard. A long monologue will make you seem willing to pour your heart out to the million strangers viewing your profile. This is not high value at all.
Crucially, you should use this space to add your Instagram account. Since Tinder only allows for six pictures, adding Instagram will allow women to find out more of your qualities. Creating a great Instagram is covered in the next section.
Setting a Range
The number of women you will see on Tinder will depend on population density and the rate of Tinder adoption In your given area. Since Tinder usually prioritizes proximity over last login, you will first see those nearby. This works well, since they will be the easiest to meet. The more you swipe, the further away the girl will become. Obviously, setting a range at the maximum 160km allowed will show you the most women.
This being said, do not set the maximum range If It Is not necessary, as this can distract you from the high potential targets. For Instance, In a dense city, a broad range will give you higher standing with the girls In low-density outskirts. Since they have fewer options, they will often swipe you right first and appear near the top of your deck (following Tinder’s algorithm). You will suddenly be matching many girls living far away from you. This Is not Ideal.
To summarize Tinder’s prioritizing*:
- Girls that have swiped you right – This means that at one of your logins, you were within her range or she was within yours. She swiped through all the guys closer and finally got to you. She swiped you right, thereby putting herself as top priority on your next login.
- Girls closest to you – These girls will usually show up before those at the very end of your range.
- Date of Last Login – This appears to play little part In the Tinder algorithm. So long as she has not been absent for more than a month, she will appear sooner or later depending on her proximity during her last login.
The girls you match in this range have been near your home or office. They are familiar with your surroundings and will be comfortable meeting there. Often they will live in the same area – an added bonus.
ACCESSIBLE BY PUBLIC TRANSPORT
In a city, you can eventually Increase your range to one that fits the reach of the public transportation network. The girl can come see you relatively easily. Once convinced, they will have a strong Incentive to stay the night, especially If the busses have stopped running (see “Tactics for In-person Tinder dates’).
If you live in the outskirts, extend your range as far as you are willing to drive. Keep in mind that you will be losing potential matches from girls in dense areas that have set their range to a short distance. To overcome this, next time you are downtown, do a quick login and then wait a few days before logging in again.
If you are centrally located, but open to meeting girls living further away, this will be much easier in cities like L.A. where everyone owns a car. If she does not own a car, do not offer to pick her up!
Coming to meet you will represent a massive investment on her part. Similarly, going all the way out to meet her is very burdensome. Quickly find out if she comes to your city regularly to see family, party, work… If she does often, you may have a shot at convincing her to squeeze in a date during her next visit.
Usually, she will only come for special occasions. Therefore, apply the Social Facilitator frame. Make her understand that if she comes to your city, you are the guy to know and you will make sure she takes part in some unforgettable events. With this offer, you waste little time building rapport with a girl that will remain a long shot.
Not Getting Enough Matches?
If you feel that you are not getting enough matches, It will be due to one of two reasons:
YOU ARE BEING TOO PICKY
Be honest with yourself, Is it realistic to only right-swipe models? Have friends help you objectively rate your profile. Give yourself a score out of 10 for looks and one out of 10 for the value you manage to display on your pictures (perceived wealth, style, social value, sex appeal). Whichever scored lowest will be your baseline score and the highest will be your ceiling.
Since men only rate women on their looks, their scoring is simpler: a number between 1 and 10. Even women subconsciously know that this is their value on the dating scene, especially on Tinder. Right swipe women that score between your baseline and your ceiling. You will rarely match women above your ceiling, never mind meet them! Similarly, women below your baseline are the ones you do not want to meet even if they offer you sex on a silver platter.
The closer you swipe to your baseline, the more likely you are to match. Since your market value is a weighted average of your looks and Perceived Value (culture decides the relative importance), women near the baseline are getting a bargain. They will often be eager to know more about you and push for the meet up! On the other end, women near the ceiling will also match (though not as often) and act as a tough sell from the start (see later chapters for skills to overcome this). Experiment with different levels of pickiness to understand exactly how much a pound of your flesh is worth on the dating market.
YOU NEED TO WORK ON YOU PROFILE
As explained in the previous chapter, “Create the Irresistible Profile”, your looks must be optimized and your Perceived Value should be elevated into the stratosphere. If you are not matching any girls above an 8, know that this is your ceiling. In order to do better, you need to improve your profile. Perceived Value is the variable with the most potential for improvement: the sky is truly the limit. So go out, do cool stuff and capture it on Instagram!
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